Shmuley Boteach: What if someone were to say, "Michael. Look. So you disagree with the way your father raised you. He was a strict disciplinarian. He could be tough and even mean. But his methods worked," And even you, now, you say that professional success is not what primarily matters, and I would agree with you. But you were the one, in one of our first conversations, that said, "I owe my father a lot. He taught me how to move and how to dance." And being a big star, you've repeatedly said, is very important to you. So what if someone said, "You're wrong and he's right. He made you what you are today. So how dare you be so ungrateful?" Especially, Michael, since he grew up in such
poverty and wanted to save you from his fate of working in the steel mills. He thought,"Better Michael practice and rehearse as a kid, rather then play on the monkey bars, because at least this will give him a good income later and he can live a life of dignity."Michael Jackson: He did a brilliant job with training me for the stage as an artist, but (as a) father he was very, very strict. I hate to judge him, but I would have done things a lot different as a father. I never felt love from him. I remember being on the airplane and they used to have to carry me on the plane because I hated turbulence and I would be screaming and kicking because we would take off in storms. I remember it very clearly. He would never hold me or touch me and the stewardesses would have to come and hold my hand and caress me.
SB: Was he an angry man?
MJ: I think he was bitter. I don't know why. Man, he is not like that anymore, but he was tough. The toughest person I ever met.
SB: What if someone said to you, "Look Michael. You can't have it both ways. He was a great manager but not a warm and affectionate parent. He taught you how to move and he taught you discipline." Are you going to say that you would be prepared to give up being the biggest recording star in order to have had a loving childhood? Or do you feel the choice is not necessary, that you could have been who you are without.
MJ: He could have done all the other things with me and had time to be a father sometime-play a game or catch a ball. I remember I told you the one time he put me on a pony. I don't think he even realized how that is marked in my brain forever.
SB: That was one of the most moving stories about fatherhood that I have heard. That a single gesture on the part of a father to a son could make such an indelible mark is astonishing and very moving.
MJ: I think about it today and wish he had done a little more, just a little more. To this day I would have felt totally different about it.
SB: And maybe you wouldn't have been as eager to prove yourself. If you were a lot of love as a child, maybe you wouldn't need the world to love you and you wouldn't be the superstar. Would you be prepared to give it up in order to be more loved as a child?
MJ: No, I would never give it up. That's my job. I was given this for a reason. I really believe it and feel it...
SB:... that God has chosen you, given you this special...
MJ: I really believe that. If you could see some of the faces around the world and people say, "Thank you, thank you for saving the life of me and my children. Can I touch you?" and then they start crying. It's like healing. We are given this for a reason... to help people.
SB: So what Shirley Temple did for you with those posters (that you could put up in your hotel rooms to feel safe), you are doing for people around the world and to a much bigger extent.
MJ: Oh yeaaah. Oh yeaaah. That's it and I just want to say, "Thank you" (to Shirley Temple Black for inspiring Michael in his low moments) and I started to cry so badly that I just couldn't get words out and she touched my hand and rubbed it like that.
SB: Michael, when you say to her that you didn't know if you could continue, and then you had a look at the posters of her movies when she was a kid, what was going to defeat you? What was it? The mean-spiritedness that people were showing? The fact that you always had to work to keep up to be the best? All those things?
MJ: Working hard, not having a chance to stop and play and have a lot of fun. We got a little bit in the hotels with pillow fights between me and my brothers and stuff like that and trowing stuff out the window. But really we hurt a lot. I remember we were on our way to South America and I was at home and it was time to go and I started crying so bad that I hid. I did not want to go and I said, "I just want to be like everyone else. I just want to be normal." And my father found me and made me get in the car and go, because we had to do a (concert) date. Then you meet people on the road, somebody on your floor, could be family, and you know that you have to have as much fun as you can in a short time because you are not going to see them again and that hurts. You know that the friendship won't be a long one. That kind of stuff really hurts bad, especially when you are a little kid.
SB: Your whole life you have had to put your career before your nurturing relationships. So do you have something nurturing in your life today? A car can't run without gas, and you can't continue without love being given to you. You can't just give love and never get it back. And to say you get it from the fans is not enough, Michael, because they love you for what you do and not for who you are. They love you for the electricity and excitement you bring into their lives.
MJ: I get ti back though the happiness and the joy that I see in eyes of the children. They saved my life so I want to... give it back (Michael starts crying). They saved me. I am not joking. Just being with them, just seeing them. It really has.
SB: When you grew up, did you feel promises were broken to you?
MJ: My father broke a big one that I'm angry with to this very day. He cajoled me into signing a contract with Columbia when I was eighteen with the promise that I'd get to have dinner with Fred Astaire. My father knew that I loved Fred with all my heart. He know I would sign without even reading the contract, and he walked away happy and he never did anything about it. He'd say he was sorry or whatever. It broke my heart that he did that. He tricked me.
SB: Did you ever tell him how upset you were?
MJ: No. He doesn't know to his day how much he hurt me. That's why I won't make promises I can't keep.
That is the end of that section. Yesterday I said that I would be doing two sections today. I have looked over Part One of the book, and I've decided that I'm going to do 2 more sections today. I will be doing " Michael's Appearance: An Ugly Man in the Mirror right after I get done with this. And right after I will do the next section, "Michael's Fear of His Father". Tomorrow I will do the last 3 sections of Part One.
Again, Thanks for reading, whoever is reading.
Remember to spread Michael's Message
XOXO
Rachel Roo
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