Shmuley Boteach: Let me just share one though. You said your father would humiliate you when you were in concert and he would make you cry and push you out on stage in front of all the girls who loved you.. to do what? To show his power over you?
Michael Jackson: Well, um, no. He wouldn't do it on the stage. Like after the show, there's be the room full of girls. He would love to bring the girls in the room, my father. And after the show we'd have something to eat, or whatever, and the room would be just lined with girls giggling, just loving us, like "oh my god!" and shaking. And if I was talking and something happened and he didn't like it, he's get this look in his eye like... he'd get this look in his eye that would just scare you to death. He slapped me so hard in the face, as hard as he could, and then he's thrust me out into the big room, where they are, tears running down my face, and what are you suppose to do, you know?
SB: And how old where you now?
(Prince in the background, "We're three!"...laughing)
MJ: Uh, no more like, twelve...eleven, something around there.
SB: So these were the first moments that you felt shame in your life? Really humiliated?
MJ: No, there were other ones. He did some rough, cruel...cruel... I don't know why. He was rough. The way he would beat you was hard, you know? He would make you strip nude first. He would oil you down. It would be a whole ritual. He would oil you down so when the tip of the ironing cord hit you (makes noise mimicking), you know... and it would be like dying and you had whips all over your face, your back, everywhere. And I always heard my mother like, "No, Joe! You're going to kill 'em. You're gonna kill 'em, no!" And I would just give up, like there was nothing I could do. And I hated him for it, hated him. We all did. We used to say to our mother, we used to say to each other, and I'll never forget this. Janet and myself would say, we used to say.. I used to say, "Janet, shut your eyes." She'd go, "Okay, they're shut." And I'd say, "Picture Joseph in a coffin. He's dead. Did you feel sorry?" She'd go, "No." Just like that. That's what we used to do to each other as kids. We would like play games like that. And that's how hateful we were. I'd go, "He's in a coffin, he's dead. Would you feel sorry?" She'd go "Nope," just like that. That's how angry we were with him. And I love him today, but he was hard, Shmuley. He was rough.
SB: But did you know that that was part of being corrupted as a child when you start feeling that way-hatred? Did you know, "I gotta get rid of this somehow. I gotta do something about this"?
MJ: Yeah, I wanted to become such a wonderful performer that I would get love back.
SB: So you could change him, you though. If you...so you thought that if you became a great star, very successful, and were loved by the world, and where very successful, you father would love you too.
MJ: Aha.
SB: So you could change him that way.
MJ: Aha. I was hoping I could and I was hoping I could get love from other people, 'cause I needed it real bad, you know? You need love, you need love. That's the most important thing. That's why I feel bad for those kids who sit in those orphanages and hospitals and they're all alone and they tie them to the beds-they tie them because they don't have enough staff. I go, "Are you crazy?" And I go to each bed just freeing them, releasing them. I say, "This isn't a way to do children. You don't tie them down." Or they have them chained to the walls in some places, like Romania. And they have them sleep in there own feces and their tinkle.
SB: Do you identify more with people like that 'cause you're also that sensitive?
MJ: Yeah, I always hold Mushki (The Rabbi's eldest daughter who was about 12 at the time) the most 'cause I feel her pain. She is in so much pain. When Janet when through her fat stage she cried a lot, my sister Janet. She decided to lose it all, "I'm gonna lose this," and she did it. She used to be very unhappy.
SB: Are you protective of her as a younger sister?
MJ: Yeah, I was determined to make her lose the weight. I was bad. I would tease her to make her lose it. I didn't like it on her. I didn't like it because I knew she would have a hard time.
SB: How did you get her to do something about it?
MJ: I said you have to lose weight 'cause you look like a fat cow. I would tell her that and that was mean of me to say that. She would say, "Shut up," and I'd say "You shut up." But I was determined to make my sister took good because deep in my heart I love her and I want to make her shine and when she became a star on, you know... records, I was so happy and proud because, you know, she did it.
SB: Are you still protective of her as a younger sister?
MJ: Yes, yes... I just wish that we were closer. We're close in spirit but not as a family. Because we don't celebrate, , we have to reason to come together now. I wish that was instilled in us. I love what I saw you guys do, that blessing thing that touches my heart a lot. I see why you're so close to them, it's sweet.
I'm only posting one more section tonight because I'm tired. I will be posting, "A Painful Blessing: All I Wanted Was to Be Loved"
Thank you for reading, whoever is reading.
Remember to pass on Michael's Message L.O.V.E
XOXO
Rachel Roo
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